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if only i cna trn back time
18.7.05 @ 16:38 hmm. i thought i had him out of my head. but when i saw what was there, i feel a lilttle pain in my heart. is it because he's still in my head? it feels good when he's near me. but. i know that i shouldn't be feeling this way. why is this feeling coming back to me? i thought that i already have another in that place. but it seems like it isn't so. why do i feel this way. both of this supposedly forgotten are coming back into my head. oh no. why??!! i think i will need one to be there for me so i don't have to be thinking about this now. if there's someone there, there wouldn't have been a need for this thoughts to be going through my mind. suddenly i feel that i'm unable to control myself. i told myself in the past that these two would be out of my head totally at two different times. but they just come back again. haiz. why!!??why must this happen again and again??both of them didn't know how i feel neither in the past nor now. i hate this. i really don't like this. makes me feel so horrible. i miss those days that i don't have to be thinking about love and stuff. just living happily without any worries. miss the days when nothing is the problem. even if the sky falls i'll still be standing strong. gone were the days that the things mentioned above happened. hatet this feeling that i know everything i wanted could only happen in my dreams and no where else. here are the days whereby my mind and heart has matured and wants more than i can ever have. this sucks. sorry i have to use this word but truly the world that i'm in sucks big time. i want to go back to the past. if only i can turn back time i'll turn it back to the time where i was a 5 year old kid so that i can do the things that are right and not the things that are wrong. i hate the real world. i hate it so much that not many know that i hate it. haiz. this sucks. everything comes with a secondary condition. sometimes i feel that i'm being used. to an extent that i feel that no one can be trusted. but i know that there are some whom i can always trust even if the sky is falling. i was fooled by people in the past when it comes to trusting them. that's why i'm more careful about it these days. let's hope that these horrible experiences wouldn't repeat itself or it'll be a total humiliation to me as being alive. crap. i hate this life in this moronic world. haiz. with love, xoxo |