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31.10.05 @ 18:32 sickening. timetable for next semester not out yet. only a week left before school start. so bored. been rotting at home a little too much. haiz. today's practice cancelled. so bored. rotting in school now. maybe i'll rot awhile more and go home watch tv. or maybe i'll get some people to go out. hmm. maybe. so bored. this friday's chalet. going to buy some drinks. will get someone to buy for me. haix. don't think i'll have a chance to settle things before school starts. haix. i want my timetable!!! have to wait till friday 10am to know the timetable. that's a little 'early' isn't it? so bored. wish i can be with someone now. haix. though i don't want to act on impulse but i think this is no longer just something that i thought of on impulse. don't ask me what i'm saying. cause i know what i'm saying makes no sense at all. and actually, i don't know what i'm saying either. don't want to regret things that are not done and things that i might do afterwards. so troubled. so puzzled. so confused. if you're waiting for me to do what i intend on doing, then please let me know. so i won't do it too late and spoil everything. haix. thnk i'm going crazy thinking about this. don't know what to do. haix. i'll be back next week. ta-da. with love, xoxo 28.10.05 @ 13:38 i've been thinking about something since wednesday. i don't know if it should be done or not. still considering. going to ask my friend for advice. up till now, all seems to point to support what i want to do. but at the same time, i'm afraid of what might happen. but i still need advice from my friends. it's only then would i decide on the thing. don't know what i'm thinking sometimes. hmm. been too bored at home so i start to think about alot of things. been a week since i last work. dying of boredom at home. can't seem to find things to do at home. xbox also played till bored. pc have nothing much to play. my baby laptop also don't have much games. feel so rot-ish at home. even if want to go shopping also cannot find people to go with me. cause all of them are working. so bored. rotting. 30% rotted. 10 more days before school starts. can't wait. at least i'll have things to do that time. won't have to be rotting at home. haix. think i'll be back soon. havee nothing to do. zzz. with love, xoxo 24.10.05 @ 18:16 so much happened again when i didn't update. i wish it didn't happen but sadly it did. but anyways. i'm alright about it now. i thought that i'll be sobbing over it for weeks. but in the end i only cried about it for a night. it's not because i wasn't being true or what. but cause i think it's because of things that only i know. maybe it was because i was being understanding and thus was able to understand what was happening and therefore respecting the decision and thus not sob that much. so. that's that. other than that, i've don't think anything else is important that i should say it here. oh ya. i quitted work. and i'm currently jobless. think i'll be spending more time at home sleeping slacking eating tibits and what so ever. haha. alrights. enough said. be back soon. =) with love, xoxo 7.10.05 @ 16:23 *yawns* so sleepy. want to sleep. don't want to be awake. i have no idea why i'm so sleepy. slept at 11+pm last night. woke up at 9+am today. that's like nearly 10h of sleep. slept awhile before i came to school. i'm sleeping like nobody's business. crap. still feel so sleepy. don't want to wake up from my sleep. life's always best when i'm sleeping. can always dream of the things and people that i want to dream of. and not face the stupid reality that sometimes irritate me so very often. if only he knew how i feel now. but nope. don't think he knows how i feel right now at this moment. haix. all i want is to spend more time with him. but there just seems to be lesser and lesser time we can spend together. and there just seems to lesser and lesser conversation between us these days. i wish time would turn back to a week or so before. so i can go through the time that we talked and spent with each other. instead of me sitting here thinking to myself about the times that we had. haix. if only. if only i can sleep now. haix. so sleepy. really. hate feeling so sleepy all the time. so irritating. seriously. getting more and more irritated by the fact that i want to sleep but can't sleep. haix. crap!!! haix. think that'll be it for now. enough irritating myself. haix. hopefully he'll know how i feel. if not more tears will fall for this same cause. haix. with love, xoxo 5.10.05 @ 20:39 alrights. i'm at home. using my brother's internet access. manage to do so cause i've to send something important. was sick again a few days back. now finally feeling better. so tired. starting to dislike going to work. feels like i'm always doing the same things over and over again every single day. really. maybe i'll quit in november when school starts. but hopefully by that time i've already got some kid to tutor somewhere. or i'll not only be jobless. i'll be bankrupt. haix. so tired. i feel kind of lost sometimes. especially after that. was it right? or was it not? i only know that if things have gone further i would have hated myself. but. hey. whatever now. really hope that history won't repeat itself. let's hope that life gets better after that. i really hope so. alrightx. think i've spoken too much for now. i'll be back soon. hopefully. with love, xoxo |