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rainbow bottledsand- bottledsand- bottledsand- bottledsand- meteora looking forward to TAIWAN trip sunshine public holidays money drop from up above exercise schedule bees roses amanda april aqidah baldwin benson boon heng clement sim desmond quek eden eileen aw georgina ooi hariani huizhen jaclyn jasmine jerome joanna mai jocelin tan jolene tan jonathan tan joyce jing ting kareen kenny tan khairul le ying lihong louisa tan marlina mark toh matthew meijuan melissa leong ms chuah mu en qing hui randy raphael razanah shuyi/suming/weishan stefenie wang min wei jie yile yong woei zhi mei zhuo jie daisies > October 2004 > November 2004 > December 2004 > January 2005 > February 2005 > March 2005 > April 2005 > May 2005 > June 2005 > July 2005 > August 2005 > September 2005 > October 2005 > November 2005 > December 2005 > January 2006 > February 2006 > March 2006 > April 2006 > May 2006 > June 2006 > July 2006 > August 2006 > September 2006 > October 2006 > November 2006 > December 2006 > January 2007 > February 2007 > March 2007 > April 2007 > May 2007 > June 2007 > July 2007 > August 2007 > September 2007 > October 2007 > November 2007 > December 2007 > January 2008 > February 2008 > March 2008 > April 2008 > May 2008 > June 2008 > July 2008 > August 2008 > September 2008 > October 2008 > November 2008 > December 2008 > January 2009 > February 2009 > March 2009 > April 2009 > May 2009 > July 2009 > November 2009 > June 2010 credits skin by: Jane |
29.2.08 @ 06:08 i can't believe i stayed up the whole night doing nothing. one of the 5 symptons is getting serious. help me. with love, xoxo _
@ 01:30 it's devastating to know that sometimes, people that you think know you best, actually know sh-t about you. it's devasatating to know, that people whom you thought would always be there for you, actually won't be there when you need most. it's devastating to know, that when you need people to talk to, people you wish to talk to just don't give a sh-t. // a 15 minute walk through the park on new year's eve managed to clear my thoughts from a heartbreak. but now, even now, a 30 minute walk around the same park couldn't help a single bit to organise my thoughts. // what used to bring laughter can now only bring on a forced smile. there're times when i want to be alone. but now, i'd rather die than be alone. i've never had such a strong urge to want to drive onto another car, or let a car hit me and let me die. // where's the shoulder when i need one to lean on? where's the comforting words when i need some to get well? where's the tears when i need some? where's the joy in life when i've lost it? // i have to force myself so hard to have a teardrop or two roll down my cheek. it's not crying when you have to force the tears out. // that's the exact reason why i didn't want to talk. with a time limit , there's no reason why i should be able to. why? why ask when there's a limit? what's the point? // great. i've got 5 out of the 8 possible symptoms. if it persists for more than 2 weeks, it's proven. it's been a week, just another 7 more days. gosh, what'd i do if i really get into it? i don't want to become like him. i told myself that 6 years ago. but it seems like i've become what i dread. i thought that after 8 years, i'd finally be able to get out of the country for more than a day. but it seems that, it would be a dream, a fantasy for that to happen. even after graduation, i've got other commitments. driving test, looking for job, helping out. these don't allow me to get out of the country. i really don't know why i thought about going Taiwan and Hong Kong for a holiday some time back. someone save me. looks like i overestimated. with love, xoxo -
27.2.08 @ 16:11 not everything has to be said to be understood. sometimes its the things that are kept unsaid that are most vital. there are things that don't have to be asked or questioned in order to know the answer. somethings, sometimes, instincts give the right answer altogether. or most of the time, pure understanding of people gives the answer that one have been looking for. it's not about what's been said. it's about how it's been said. just like defamation. a dafamatory statement said in a peaceful and calm manner is still dafamatory. seriously, up to now, i still don't know why i care. why do i even bother about all this shit that's happening? i want to cry out loud, but the thing is, my tears have run dry, or should i say, i lost the ability to cry ever since i lost someone. i don't want to be caught in this crap, i really don't. if you know me, you'll know what i'm saying. with love, xoxo -
26.2.08 @ 17:22 i don't know why i fuc-ing care. i don't even know why i fuc-ing bother. what the fuc-. if my life is a movie, this scene would be one that shows me sitting in a pub, drinking dozens of glasses of vodka to drown myself. and then i'll be dragged away by some person and killed or whatever-ed because i don't fuc-ing care about life anymore. fuc-. i really hate it when i'm left alone. it's like i get fuc-ing depressed when i'm alone these days. being aimless and goalless and emptiness is fuc-ed up. i totally fuc-ing hate this. i haven't been so fuc-ed up depressed for a long long time. i can't believe that i'm depressed for 3/4 of the days since law exam. fuc-, what the fuc- is wrong with me? ya, i might be normal when i'm with (most) people. but i just hate it when i'm alone. i get so lost and what not's when it's like that. i want to cry, but tears can't seem to get out. i need a vodka. i need a drink. i need to cry. fuc- lar. how much longer do i have to tolerate this fuc-ing shit? how much longer do you intend on not telling me? fuc- i need a distraction. you'll know where to look if you know me well enough. with love, xoxo .lost
25.2.08 @ 00:37 lost, confused. i don't know where my heart went. lying on my bed with love, xoxo dead
23.2.08 @ 17:50 it's depressing, the boredom. not in the mood to do anything at all. concentration span is less than 30minutes. it's a saturday, after exams, and yet i'm rotting far worse than ever before. i need to get out of the house. but i've to finish that first. how? i fell asleep watching i don't know what movie earlier. and that sleep lasted for 3hours. feel like a lump of meat and bones lying here. i need something to look forward to. i need to get a life. this sucks. with love, xoxo chunks
22.2.08 @ 20:57 exam is O V E R. went bugis with jiao man and randy just now. arcade and took neoprints. (yes, neoprints.) it's all in randy's facebook. i don't know. i'm supposed to feel over the moon and stuff like that since i'm done with school. but i don't. i feel ... dead ... aimless ... goalless. i know i want to get a job. i know i want to work and earn my school fees. but ... i just feel so ... lost. the only thing that kept me going for the past 2 months disappeared just like that. *poof* and its gone. studying for the crappy exam was another thing that kept me there. but ... its gone now too. i know i have to take a break before i start working. but what am i going to do for the time being? driving. will it keep me occupied for the next 3 weeks? not everyday. it just so happens that my driving test lands on mediabiz awards day. what is this? i'm done with chocolatier some days ago. nothing to do again. play chocolatier again? argh. with love, xoxo sheeeeeeeeet
21.2.08 @ 19:50 SHEEEEEEEET! 1. the stupid exam's tomorrow and i don't know everything. 2. ouch. 3. settlers katong is closed with effect from ... today. i'm utterly depressed, because of the 3 sheeeeet-able things. sheeeeeeeeeeet lar. why settlers katong close? cannot go and play. just when i thought i might go there work. sheeeeeeeeeet. why? on a brighter note, singapore won the bid for 2010 youth olympics. argh. still utterly depressed. things will get better? i will burn hundred odd pages of law printouts after 11.30am, 22/2. why, why, why, why, why? with love, xoxo O.O
19.2.08 @ 18:50 oh my goodness. i cant seem to be able to study after dinner. i'm stuck at discharge of contract. and i'm not even half way through. i'm having a freaking headache already. anyway. yesterday's revision lecture was quite a torture. because my genius friend (a.k.a randy) ran for another seat. which in turn, caused me to sit beside the person i DON'T want to sit with. its so irritating. what's so nice to look at on my laptop? there's not much different from that person. idiot. i want my freaking privacy you moron! thankfully, the lecture ended early. *phew* lunch at ITAS with georgie, jia zhen, april, mel, jiao man and that person. gosh. it was enjoyable, since that person did not open her mouth to talk. wahaha. i'm evil. then shopping! for cny goodies for my colleagues. spent like $15, took a cab down. ended up, 3 of them were on leave/overseas trip. oh ya, brought STARBUCKS coffee for gabriel. that troublesome guy. =x had a chat with the rest and wa-lar~ it's nearly 6. it's been like SO long since i took bus home from there. the trip back was tiring. sigh. and last night was the let's-all-get-fat-together night. mom brought the raw yu sheng. and she went to shred carrot and cucumber. in the end, 5 of us couldn't finish the whole thing. me, my bro and sis-in-law were like searching for the crunchy thing. we're like fighting for it. lolx. the 10 million toto is on this thursday. time to q up for it tomorrow. freaky paper on friday. wish me luck alright? sigh, time to continue studying. blehx. with love, xoxo finally
17.2.08 @ 14:52 IT'S FINALLY OVER!!!! *jumps for joy!* i'm so glad i'm over and done with this semester. alright, maybe not. but i'm just glad projects are D-O-N-E! this semester has been a roller coaster ride for me. got the best and worst of some stuff. but since it's like a happy thing, i'll just forgo the worst stuff. :x after 5 semesters of CMM, i finally found a class that i can really love. maybe not all of them all the time, but i do love most of them most of the time. i think it's especially so in the last week of school. also, i found my favourite project group. :) working with pq, kathy, jm and randy for law and script is like easy. miraculously everything just falls into place in the end. :) and most importantly, we finish everything EARLY. come to think of it, i'm nearly done with school. it's kind of sad though, knowing that i will never be a student in tp anymore. leaving the studio, mac lab, experiences and what nots. it's going to feel so different even if i return. i'll miss everything. sigh, it's kind of sad to know i'm leaving school. no longer will i squeeze myself onto the 8.33am bus, or be among the group of people walking towards business school at 9.02am. all the things that i used to dread. the things that i took for granted. all that's left will be the memories. gosh, i don't know how emotional my entry after NBC will be. sigh. a new phase of my life is awaiting me. thank you for all the memories. :) with love, xoxo wednesday.
13.2.08 @ 21:05 argh! it's wednesday already. just another 48hours before i'm done with school. (gosh, time flies) tomorrow's valentine's day. i have a date with lpb and fcp. lucky me. happy valentine's day to all. happy buying flowers and burning a hole in your pockets to the boyfriends. HAHA. i love my class. with love, xoxo screw it
12.2.08 @ 13:13 i don't understand how some people's way of prioritizing. i really don't. when there's time, don't do work that is due on friday. but instead, go watch out on latest trends and fashion online. gosh, does grades really don't matter at all? i feel like i'm just editing for free. and there's no need for some to contribute at all. i'm not god. i can't finish editing a 2minute long clip in 4hours. i cannot do magic. screw the project. with love, xoxo this
@ 00:29 screw project. its causing me more stress than anything else. the stress ... makes me emo. possibly the last 4 days of my school life, and i'm so unhappy. can this crap get any worse? (not that i want it to) please let me get through this without anymore harm. with love, xoxo flowers~
10.2.08 @ 18:35 got some red packets yesterday! wee~! went with my mom and my aunt to sentosa to see flowers. you cannot imagine how many people were there. squeezing and squashing here and there. all for the sake of looking at flowers. anyway, here're some pictures i took. don't kill me if they load slowly. :x p.s. the frog picture is SPECIALLY for qinghui. lol.                      walked around imbiah terrace for 3hours plus watching flowers. when we finally got home its already 11pm. long long way back on bus. so tired even after a long 10hour sleep. school's starting tomorrow. :| band prac tomorrow, mr tan's taking my section. O.O :( no law ppt up, is there even lecture tomorrow? can't help but think of this coming week being my last in tp. sigh, going to miss the times i spent in school. 天下无不散之宴席, all things must come to an end. sigh, uni or work? tomorrow's the start of the last week of school. hope nothing stupid happen on the way to make me irritated. let me have good memories. :) Labels: photos with love, xoxo good night
9.2.08 @ 04:21 great. im still online after 4am. its all thanks to atv. edit and edit. although i've to say i spent most of my time facebook-ing. :x vcd to watch tomorrow: ratA2E i'm still thinking about my uni studies. my brother told me to try the scholarships from mindef. but its either diploma with merit or overseas studies. shouldn't have failed in 1.1. bank loans can kill, scholarships are tough. working for a year won't earn me $24,000. should go buy toto to try my luck. a diploma won't get me what i want. please, give me a chance to further my studies. mozzies LOVE me. stop kissing me, you stupid mozzies! its late. shan't let my thoughts trouble me. time for a game before bed. :] good night world. with love, xoxo cny, so far
8.2.08 @ 20:20 BOO! happy chinese new year to all~! may goods things come in pairs and bad things ... NEVER come~! 好事成双!! alrighty. chinese new year eve. spent the afternoon rotting away. night time, helped my parents with praying stuff. stayed up at night watching the rather boring tv shows. bleh. oh ya, watched 'secret' by jay chou earlier in the day. i have to say, the movie's kind of long, and ... well ... i bet kumaran will want to do loads of changes to the script. not that the script's bad, its just that it's probably not her kind of thing, you see. haha. painted my nails BLACK! but the fingernails part is kind of a failure. -_-" finally gave up and slept at 3+ i think. haha. first day of new year. woke up just before noon. zzz. went to a couple of temples. rotsss. came back home and watched transformers!!! i love bumble bee~ if only i have a bumble bee as my guardian. :D i love bumble bee~ today was like rot at home day. my sis came over and got my second red packet of the year. (kind of pathetic right? only the second ang baw. T_T) had pizza~ yum yum. watched transformers again. i love bumble bee~ (ya, i know its the third time i've said this) :) practically slept for 2 hours just now 'cause there's NOTHING to watch on tv. argh. rots. ya, my chinese new year has got to be one of the most boring one there can ever be, since i don't visit my relatives and stuff like that. but i'm more or less used to it i guess. rotting at home while my friends are happily playing mahjong or poker. oh ya, speaking of MAHJONG. i keep hearing people play mahjong at my block. i want to play too~! but there's only me and my mom at home. a bit too little people to be playing ar. i want mahjong~ anyway, just another 3 days before there's school. so i'll rot at home, unless my mom wants to go sentosa for the flower thingy. go see my relatives. lolx. anyone want go out? not tomorrow though. haha. mahjong mahjong~ where are you~ ang baw ang baw~ where are you~ with love, xoxo money
5.2.08 @ 19:35 nus replied they will consider my application, since i've got A2 for chinese in o level. but now the question is, money. i can't make my dad pay for my school fees. its just too much. 3 years of uni education will cost him nearly $20, 000. i can't make my dad work so hard. its just ... wrong. but i don't have the money. gosh. if only i strike lottery, like toto first prize. then i can use the money to pay for my school fees. if only. a quick check on the local bank study loans makes me freak out. 5.88%p.a. 6.3% p.a. its madness. where am i going to get all that money? the scholarships available require excellent results. :( i should have studied harder. i should have worked more, so i can have more savings. so i won't have to think so much about uni school fees. i don't even dare to think about applying for uni now, especially when my mom told me it'd be hard on my dad if he were to pay for my fees. i want to study, but will i be able to? sigh. gods and goddess from up above, please let me strike lottery so i can study in uni and it won't be that hard on my dad. or let there be some scholarships that don't require excellent results. let there be something i can do so i don't have to worry about my school fees. please. with love, xoxo 2 days to cny
4.2.08 @ 20:01 yet another long day. finished my bj assignment. the next big assignment, atv. will have to complete filming and transfering tomorrow. so i'll be able to edit during cny. *there goes my cny holiday* i wish my project groups were all the same. got the reply from the fass people. realize i could actually appeal for the course. i'll try my best, i guess. cny in 2 days. still so much to do. sigh. i want my cny. weirdly weird. yawnx. need more time for sleep, less time for worries. when the rain stops. with love, xoxo h-a-i-z
3.2.08 @ 19:57 had a reunion lunch with my family just now. love the family, the food, the laughs. and of course, the multiple suan-isms made at me by my brothers. but something about it just makes me feel so out of place. all in pairs. except. me. its really weird, i dreamt of someone i no longer should be dreaming about. twice, in this week. i've got no moronic idea why. i didn't even think about this person. maybe that's why i get that feeling. i'm not sure what my future holds. will i be able to get married? will i get into nus? will i get a job i love? will i get over all this crap? the married question. its been popping in my head these days. the big TWO-O is coming in 7months. i really don't want to die of old age by myself. TWO-O, the freaky numbers. its like i need to get my plans ready by TWO-O or i'll be lost in the jungle. its proven that after you're 20, time FLIES. i need a plan. i really do. goodness, what's all this emo-ism doing in my mind. i need to shake it off. with love, xoxo yes!
2.2.08 @ 16:31 i never cease to be dazzled with the magic of music. it helped me pass my 2.4km run. :) i can't help but start jumping, instead of running, when i heard a particular song. linkin park rock my 2.4km! i'm thankful for the fact that i passed my shuttle run by 0.1seconds. thank you georgie for praying for me. :) thank you randy for convincing me to take napfa again. :) weird dreams. yile's concert later, on top of the hill. slowly climbing up. hope i don't roll down the hill. :x recently had this sudden thought of going Uni. NUS would be my choice. let's hope the fass people reply my email soon. that shall be it. ta-da. i'm thankful. for music. for friends. with love, xoxo |