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lost, for good
22.6.08 @ 16:57 i've been kind of moody the past week. at first i thought it was because of that incident. it's only last night that i realise, that that's not the main cause. i realise i just lost something. something that is of extreme importance to me. something that i've had with me for many years. something ... that has become a major part of my life. i never thought i'd be so messed up like i am now because of the loss. i even thought that the loss is a change for the better, since i'm so tired these days. but i realise nothing else can replace that space left by that loss. i thought that i could live with the fact that band is no longer a part of my life. but i thought wrong. it has been a major part of my life for 8 long years. it's like losing someone you love and treasure for 8 years in the blink of an eye. but no, music is not dead. it's just that i won't be able to make music with friends or express myself through it. i refuse to go home early on the previous monday and friday. i just refuse to. i've had 3 years when i spent monday and friday nights in school. i can't get used to the lack of it. i think i've fallen in too deep. fallen into the musical trap. into the trap that there's no way out. i can't bear to bring myself back into that room. the room that i've made precious friends in. the room that i've spent at least 5hours weekly in. the room that reminded me of the great time spent there. i promised that i'll visit. but i doubt it'll be any time soon. the only visit that i'll make is supper visit. and i wish i don't have to hear about what happens in that room now. for i will only feel worse that i can't be part of it. i can't bring myself to click on those songs that we played for concerts. for i know, that droplets will roll from my eyes. remembering the memories, the fun, the madness we faced then. i've given too much. i guess this is what i get for giving my all for 3 years. and there it ends, with just another ordinary band practice. how do they leave without feeling how i feel now? Labels: band with love, xoxo closure
15.6.08 @ 15:17 goodness, the heat. it's so very warm today. i'm getting cooked here. bbq last night was fun. it's my first time starting a fire, but it worked just fine. :D  (don't ask why it looks purple. it's meant to be red.) stayed at changi beach till 12+. went over to this hotel at changi. i never thought that there'll be a high class hotel in changi. sat at the lobby with melissa, april and jiazhen. it's fun to just sit there and talk about stuff. comfy comfy. :) i couldn't sleep last night. maybe it's because of that, i guess. only manage to sleep at 3+ in the morning. sometimes i really wonder if i'm making life tough for myself. hmm, will no longer be going for band pracs. simply because alumnis aren't allowed in nbc's cat1. oh well, i'm tired after work on mondays too. it's better if i rest early or i'll feel sleepy the whole week. maybe i'll pop by for supper sometime. there hasn't been much reason for me to stay on since jolene and olivia left. so well, let's just call it a day. oh yes, the graduation pictures are finally here. paid $5 for it lar. i don't know why, but i look wide in this picture. =x  sigh, today's sunday already. tomorrow's monday. another 5 days before the long awaited weekend. monday blues. arh! time to catch up on anime! well, will be back when i bother to. :D with love, xoxo yeah!
6.5.08 @ 17:23 i want to go stargazing and watch the sunset. and i still want my bear. yeah, tomorrow night! outing with georgie and randy. wee~~~ happy! it's been more than a month since i last saw randy lar. kind of weird to say this, but i miss randy eh. up till now, still haven't finalize meeting place and stuff. georgie ar, faster confirm leh. :x hope we'll be watching over her dead body. :) last night's practice was ... alright. freshies came in, got 2 girls. didn't get to know them yet because i rushed off after practice. shall get to know them soon. :) anyway, can't wait for tomorrow night. yippe. :) Labels: band with love, xoxo 29.4.08 @ 02:59 had tune in just now with a huge band, just like the past tune in. played concerto d'amore, spirited away and seventh night of july. recorded a little bit of concerto when they were playing. 2minutes plus of the slow part. took a couple of pics too. which reminds me of something someone did last tune in. feels like the same old thing. anyway, it's not like it matters anymore. :x   anyway, been feeling that my temper's rather short these days. i'm sorry if i lost my temper in front of any of you guys. i know i lost it just now at mac at jerome. i'm so sorry jerome! ahh! i think i've to stop procrastinating. have to restart my diet plan again SOON. feels like i've gain quite alot recently with the suppers and stuff. diet diet here i come~ :) till then .. :) with love, xoxo last night
13.4.08 @ 16:55 first of all, if you're on a food excursion and have no idea where to look for those yummy food, check out www.sbestfood.com and you'll find them! plmgss concert the concert's last night. quite alright, just like any other concert. BUT, when we were playing abba gold, my second page score dropped! goodness. i can only play from memory, and obviously, i played wrong note for 2 bars i think. lucky i played soft. :x louisa picked up the score during our 25 bar rest. gosh, i didn't want to pick it up at first. so pai seh lar, to have your score drop during a performance. but well, other than that, it was normal. haha. matthew, jolene (oboe) and mark came for the concert. thanks for the purple-ish pink-ish flower! :) shall post the pics when i get them from matthew and amanda. that's that. it's funny, that i tend to see someone when he no longer matter. super random to see him that night. didn't expect it to happen, but it did. ah well, it doesn't matter to me, i'd say, guess. well, i'm too busy to be bothered now i think. need to get 10 things done in the next few days. don't really have time for other stuff. and saturday's jolene's thing. i'll be there darling! a busy week ahead, no time to waste. :) missing my little ones. :| Labels: band with love, xoxo last week
4.4.08 @ 15:31 ya, i know it's been nearly a week since my last entry. but i just haven't been online all this while. since this will be like a week's supply of entry, i'll do it the functional way. :x BBQ/chalet, 31st march - 1st april went over at 6pm. didn't intend on staying overnight in the first place, but well, the poker and mahjong tiles manage to convince me. jerome and isaac came over too. went pool, but it closes at 11pm. sat outside mccafe for nearly 2hours playing those camp games. wanted to go to the beach, but i wonder why we didn't go in the end. oh ya, the poker cards were calling out to us. :x  went back to chalet, found mark and law wei they all watching The Game Plan. so back to the room we went. it's scary trying to play games with razanah in the middle of the night, she screams. anyway, played games like indian poker, murderer and loads of others. went out to the rest and got a cup of absolute vodka ruby red, added coke and it taste like ****. maybe it's the coke. but i will never drink absolute with flavours again. didn't really take much pictures since we were laughing our guts out. i laughed so hard i fell flat on the ground behind the door, and nearly got hit by it when amanda came in. the whole night was so hilarious. i wish i could go through it again. :) plmgs band practice, 3rd april rained cats and dogs, but i went for their practice. met louisa and amanda at the bus stop, which by the way was crowded with tons of girls and rain water. feels kind of weird at the bus stop, but that's not the main point. sure enough, mr tan was rather shock to see me there. played abba gold and the morning train. well, i've to say, mr tan sure is happier when he's there, as compared to when he's in tp. :) miscellaneous olivia sent a message in the morning, saying that she's quitting band. sigh, all the people i care for are leaving. but well, i can't force them to stay if they don't want to. i'll think through it again. been having weird dreams these days. dreamt of joanna and me in my secondary school, wearing our uniform. it's weird. maybe i'll know the meaning of it soon, just like me knowing the meaning of the other dream i had earlier this week. got the graduation ceremony letter last night. my parents say they'll be attending the ceremony. goodness, it's the first session. early wednesday morning. can't even sleep late. don't really look forward to it, because that'll be the day that i'm no longer a student, no more student meals and stuff. that's not the main point. the main point is, i'll feel old i guess. sigh. but at the same time, i'm kind of looking forward to it, because that's where i'll see some of my friends. i don't know if i should try to make things work. it's kind of ironic how my love life seems to revolve around guys whose names start with the letter K and has the letter E in it. i'm thinking, make it work because it feels quite right, but don't make it work because of ... reasons that some would say is superficial. whatever it is, i'll let nature take its course. it's been a month since i've been jobless. sigh, it sure doesn't feel good to be jobless and moneyless. please let me get that job. all right, till then, :) with love, xoxo Greek Masterpieces :)
18.3.08 @ 17:24 band last night was good. sectionals with mr tan on Theater Music. love the song. :) testimonial finally done. shall collect it soon. outing this coming saturday. let's hope they're free. :) as promised, pictures taken from NMS, Greek Masterpieces. 60 odd pictures here, may take some time to load. :) enjoy!                                                               i try to keep sane in the overwhelming insanity. with love, xoxo |